Hi, my name is D----, and I am in group because I am the partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic, and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self esteem, and overeating.

I feel focused on recovery today.

This week for recovery work I have been working on "becoming entirely ready" in Step Six. I am still working on releasing different character defects to God. Meanwhile I can share Exercise 86 or 87 or both, time permitting.

My acting out this week has been in the form of raging at the two middle boys. As a consequence, I scrubbed their bathroom for them.

Acting in...I'm really unsure about whether I was overeating. I've been exercising a lot, so I think it is hunger, but I'm not sure. I've also been engaging in fantasy again and escapism. The rubberband is in use for this.

This week I felt hopeful after listening to a broadcast on a Christian radio station. I felt this way as a child when there was snow in the forecast and we would be hoping for a snow day.

My five commandments this week:
morning prayer has been good
reading recovery material has been very good
phone calls - two this week - one received, one placed
attending group - yes
evening prayer has been okay, I missed three nights

For spiritual self care this week, I went to Mass.

For self care, I exercised four days this week.

What I like about myself today is that I got brutally honest this week with some issues that were weighing on me, and tried to remind myself that God loves me anyway.

Hi, my name is D----, and I'm in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic, and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self-esteem, and overeating.

I feel encouraged in my recovery today. I'm not perfect, but at least I'm trying.

This week for recovery work I finished working on Step 6. The one about our "defects of character." It was a real eye-opener for me. I sometimes walk around thinking I am infallible. This step is bringing me back to reality.

Acting out this week. The control thing with my kids. It seems if I loosen the grip on my husband, I tighten the grip on the kids. I hate that. It means I'm still acting out, I've just found a new dance partner.

Acting in this week. Again, fantasy (again, not s*x). I actually broke the rubberband this week, I suspect from overuse. I didn't realize fantasy was such a problem for me.

This week I felt really "ugly." Listing all of my character defects was hard, but at least it was an honest representation of who I am, and not who I present myself to be. I felt this way as a child every day of my life, but most especially in middle school. No specific examples. Every day was a living hell. LOL, ever see the movie "Never Been Kissed?" That was me...Josie Grossie!

My five commandments this week are in mediocre shape. I've been doing recovery work and making phone calls, but my individual prayer has been lacking. Been praying daily with husband, but I usually pray alone too, and that was absent for about four days this week.

My spiritual self care this week has been continuing to listen to that book called "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey. Awesome book so far. I'm up to Chapter 10.

My self care this week was taking a lot of vitamins to ward off round two of whatever my daughter has caught in preschool.

What I like about myself today is that I'm working hard on Step Six, and being entirely ready. I am nowhere near ready, but I am working at it honestly.

Hi, my name is D----, and I'm in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic, and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self-esteem, and overeating.

I feel stable in my recovery today.

This week for recovery work I started working on Step 6. It is nowhere near being finished and it could be a while. It's about our "defects of character." I feel like having my husband and my kids do this one for me. They'll probably be able to list off my defects with lightning speed and accuracy.

Acting out behaviors this week. The control thing again with my kids. I can't remember exactly what I did, but I remember thinking afterwards, "Acting out!" And here is a hard one to admit... remember that awesome Praise Report I sent out? Yeah, well, I suck, okay? The day I got the "all clear" from the polygrapher, there was just a little blip on the report. I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but he said something like this: "On the question, 'Since January, 2007, have you had any sexual relations without your wife?' the second result showed a slight reactivity that was not present on the first or third results. It remains this examiner's opinion that Mr. B was being truthful. The slight reactivity could have been due to Mr. B concentrating too hard on the question." So, even though the guy said he was being truthful, I still asked him, "Why was there any reactivity?" A trained professional says he's tellling the truth and I'm still looking for more proof....

Acting in behaviors. Again, some fantasy (not s*x, just fantasizing about things I might have done or said in the past that could have changed where I am today). I'm back to wearing my rubberband for this. It is pretty helpful.

This week I felt like I was getting closer to becoming a human being, being more honest about myself and who I am. Did I ever feel like this as a child...maybe after I went to Confession at church. Maybe...

My five commandments this week are in "okay" shape. I missed morning prayer twice and evening prayer twice.

My spiritual self care this week has been continuing to listen to that book called "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey. It's been really helpful with all of the angst surrounding Step 5.

My self care this week was seriously lacking. Everyone has a cold over here and the house feels like a giant petri dish. My self care has boiled down to using Purell after I throw out snotty tissues. Does that count? I'm thinking not.

What I like about myself today is that I'm really working on my relationship with God and my prayers feel more genuine.

Hi, my name is D----, and I'm in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic, and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self-esteem, and overeating.

I feel motivated in my recovery today. This week for recovery work I completed Exercises 89, 90, and 91 and you can read those if you want to.

Acting out...yes. I was trying to control my boys yesterday by shaming them. I did call and admit this to another group member shortly after it happened.

Acting in...yes. Some fantasy (not s*x, fantasizing about my life), and negative self talk. No overeating though! No consequences either :(

This week I felt really bad because I was doing the exercises regarding every detail of bad things that were done to me, and that I had done to anyone else. Step 5...not fun. First time I felt really bad was probably right after each of the things I remembered happened.

My five commandments this week are all in good shape. I missed morning prayer once and evening prayer once.

My spiritual self care this week has been listening to a book called "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey.

My self care this week was I dressed nice all week and I feel like I may have lost a pound or two.

What I like about myself today is my determination to get through these recovery books.

Hi! My name is D----, and I am in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self esteem, and over eating.


I feel great about my recovery today. I've done a lot of catching up work and am addressing some issues in my life, so this week is going well. I did more work on my letter to God this week and I will probably post that later today or tomorrow.


I haven't been acting out since I last posted, and I haven't been acting in either. It feels really good to say that!


This week I felt so productive. I started chipping away at the mess in the house, took pictures of three of the kids for our Christmas card, and read an entire book. I felt like this as a child sometimes when everything was "just so" in my life (clean room, laundry done, caught up in school, and caught up with friends).


My five commandments this week are in pretty good shape. I've prayed every morning and night with my husband, read recovery material, made calls, and attended group (this blog, plus my online group).

My self care this week was getting my hair cut and colored. It hasn't been done since late August/early September, right when the kids started school. Oh boy, was it time!

While I was sitting there for four hours, I read Doug Weiss' book Get a Grip, from beginning to end. That was my spiritual self care. Good read.

And what I like about myself this week is I am applying some more of the principles of recovery to my life and it's been very helpful.

Hi! My name is D----, and I'm in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self-esteem, and overeating.

I feel really bad about my recovery today. I've been acting out and acting in this week. This week for recovery work I continued working on my letter to God. What do you say?? I can't really think of anything except, "Thank you." The letter keeps coming back to thank you. I can't really work on that here until I finish it. Hopefully soon.

Acting out behaviors this week were checking the history on the computer once, shaming my son, and trying to think about what my husband is thinking. Acting in behaviors this week were eating, computer, and avoidance. I didn't give myself consequences. I think that might be why I feel my recovery is going so poorly right now. I probably should give myself some consequences again.

This week I felt really immobilized. It was my daughter's birthday this week and I wasn't able to give her a party because of my middle son being home recovering from surgery. I am still homeschooling my youngest son this year, so obviously he is home too. So, in a nutshell, everyone is home except my college boy, and the house looks like a war zone. The only one that can truly help right now is my youngest son, and I feel really bad dumping more work on him. It's crazy because I've got snowmen mixed in among the pumpkins that haven't made their way into the Halloween totes yet. Ugh...I felt like this as a child often. My parent's house looked like this on a fairly regular basis. Newspapers lying around, amid clothes and dirty dishes. I'm feeling like I want to jump out of my skin to run away from this place. I want to start cleaning but I have no idea where to begin, so I am immobilized.

My five commandments are alive and well this week. Forgive me for not calling. I'm still dealing with getting my son on the road to recovery. I have to remember that this too shall pass.

My spiritual self care this week was nothing.

My self care this week was nothing.

What I like about myself today is nothing.

It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to...

November 29, 2007

Hi!

My name is D---- and I'm in group because I am a partner of a sex addict and sexual anorexic, and I am healing from co-sex addiction, codependency, low self-esteem, and over-eating.

I feel set back in my recovery today. It has been a very stressful week with my son's surgery, therefore I haven't been working in my book, and I must say I have really missed it.

This week for recovery work I worked on Exercise #87 and you can read that in my Beyond Love blog if you want.

My acting out this week came in the form of being controlling towards my husband by telling him where to park, how to drive, which lane to be in . Generally, I was just one of those backseat drivers.

Acting in was different this week. I didn't go for the usual hit of sugar and carbs that I normally do. Instead I went shopping...retail therapy, as I heard Jenny call it. I think I may have been doing some avoiding as well. No consequences again.

This week I felt like I was being cattle-prodded all week long. I remember feeling like this as an adolescent, taking final exams. High stress, and very little time before the next stressor was on the horizon.

My five commandments this week took a beating. My prayers were unorganized, desperate pleas to God to let everything be alright with my son. Morning and evening prayers the way I enjoy them only happened twice this week, yesterday and the day before. Reading recovery material didn't really happen either. I did make two or three recovery calls though. And I had a telephone session with Kim.

My spiritual self care this week was reading a book by Wayne Jacobsen, He Loves Me.

My self care this week was nonexistent.

What I like about myself today is I met a deadline for a project that needed attention.